When history seems to repeat itself yet we still haven't learned our lesson — this is when we pretend that that thing didn't happen and then the repeating of that thing is shocking, unexpected, or new. We claim we will learn a lesson from this event or occurrence and then we get interrupted by yet another shocking, unexpected, or new thing. The cycle repeats. Welcome to Another Isolated Incident.
Reflections from the Road: Authenticity
I hear "be your authentic self" or the importance of authenticity a lot these days. It is possible that this will become the new buzz word within social justice unless we all have a clear understanding of the word and how we know when it is true. Authenticity isn't a synonym for consistency or perfection. It is literally about being your true self (yes, the good, the bad, and the ugly) in a confident way because it is the real complicated mess that is you. Recently, I experienced a great example of this.
As I settled into my seat on my final flight to a conference, I panicked. I asked myself if the conversations I had just had at the gate were okay. Did I say anything stupid? Was I on my game? These are typical questions one might ask of themselves after an interaction. I giggled a little to myself and reaffirmed that I was myself at the gate and myself is the best thing I bring to a conversation even if it isn't ideal. This is the messiness of authenticity.
See, my final flight departed at 6am. Due to poor weather conditions, I had a 28-hour delay in getting out of my home airport through two connections to get to a conference. By the time I actually got to the last gate, I was a disaster. I wasn't sure then, nor am I any more certain now, if I wanted to sleep in a horizontal position or brush my teeth more as I found my gate for my final flight. As I stumbled into a seat at the final gate, a stranger introduced himself to me and used my full name while introducing me to his graduate students. We were all heading to the same conference. Together we discussed our campuses, politics, trends, fashion, pop culture, etc., and had a good time. We laughed and learned from each other — pulled in others who arrived at the gate to travel to the same conference and networked. I am a connector so it was fun to highlight the web of contacts within this small group.
I was also able to joke about my head shot being everywhere as a sign of good marketing and super creepy in how strangers know my name. As an alcoholic (8 years sober this year :) I never really know if I know someone or they know of me — either way it is a GREAT conversation starter! It is exciting to be known for the work that I do and when I am in situations like this to hear someone else explain what I am so passionate about correctly to others they work with or supervise.
It wasn't until we all were buckling up on the plane that I began to panic — perhaps due to lack of horizontal sleep I was delirious even — so I reviewed our conversations. I liked that I pulled people into the conversations, played off others' sarcasm, listened to real concerns happening on specific campuses. I liked who I was in that conversation even though brushing my teeth might have made it a little better. I leaned back in my chair (but not my chair itself as we are preparing for take off), put my neck pillow back in its familiar spot, the softness on my cheek, closed my eyes, and reminded myself — your true self isn't about consistency — it is about just being you.
Authenticity is the only gift we can truly give to each other. How terribly comforting that this mess is good enough.
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Social Justice Quotations That Keep Me Going:
"Many white people experience themselves as powerless, even in the face of privilege. But the fact is that we all have a sphere of influence, some domain in which we exercise some level of power and control. The task for each of us, White and of color, is to identify what our won sphere of influence is (however large or small) and to consider how it might be used to interrupt the cycle of racism"
Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D., "Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?" And Other Conversations About Race
