As I travel around campus to campus, I learn about different professional development opportunities that are being internalized as department wide initiatives. Generally, these are the kind of things that gave me hives, but now that I don’t have to go to staff meetings anymore, I am able to see them as good team builders. I am thinking of Strengths Quests, Myers Briggs, True Colors, and the like. The fact that I am a Woo, ENTJ, and a Yellow means something to some. It meant something to me at the time, but I don’t remember all of the details now. I learned of a new test that you might be interested in – Sally Hogshead’s F Score is based on research about how or why you are fascinating. It was cool. If I remember correctly I am Passion or maybe it was Rebellion. (None of my results should be that shocking to anyone who knows me – yet they are so fun to find out about one’s self.)
Anyway – I see people taking these personal inventories and then, inevitably, the language is incorporated into the structure, language, and culture of the department. I hear things like, “Of course, she is organizing a birthday share potluck – she is the blue.” “Why would you expect him to meet a deadline – remember he is a NP.” “Look, can you put your ‘Woo’ down for just a second – we need to actually get something done here.” I am assuming that you know what I mean.
So, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater (P.S. what a weird idiom that is – at least we as a culture value hygiene, I guess). These inventories could be a crutch and then can also provide a common language multiple people can utilize when working across difference. Here is an additional challenge to us all – take note of what you aren’t. Find people in your life who have strengths in areas where you don’t and who score very differently than you. Round out your group of go-to people, staff, friends, etc., to get all of the perspectives.
Wanna go one step further? Leave yourself notes of things that are important to others that might not register to you as important.
I don’t remember the inventory or the category, but I know that I score very low on the one that has to do with the heart. I think it is “Enable the Heart” and maybe it is called the Leadership Challenge – doesn’t matter – I learned that I don’t give positive recognition or feedback to others AND that it is very important to some folks. I remember serving on a committee once – the chair spent so much time sending us all letters of appreciation, magnets, trinkets, we even got personalized foam crowns that were hand bedazzled. I distinctly remember thinking and sharing with my key folks on the committee that if he spent less time with a glue gun, we might actually get something done. I wasn’t and tend to still not be touched or impressed by stuff, I mean tokens of appreciation. I like to accomplish stuff on a list. So, I have learned that I need to add “tokens of appreciation” to my to-do list.
This may sound heartless to some, but it gets done and when I am doing it, I actually enjoy it – so it is authentic. It just wouldn’t or would be significantly less likely to naturally occur if up to my own instincts. My former chair may need to remind himself to respond to an email before hitting the next glitter sale. I literally have notes in my calendar, or even automatic reminds on my google calendar to remind me to call friends, my brother, send them gifts, letters, post cards, and even to re-evaluate new relationships. I know that these are not my natural strengths and list making is – so use your strengths to balance out your own behaviors. I have to be realistic too. I had a friend in graduate school who had this hyper-virgo card filing system and she ALWAYS sent everyone a hard copy snail mail personalized birthday card. Every month, every year – you could count on a card from her. I remember longing to be that organized and wanted to nurture even if in a symbolic way every human in my life that I could capture a physical mailing address for – this is thorough, thoughtful, unexpected – totally something I would love to be in everyone’s life. One problem – I don’t really celebrate birthdays, can’t remember dates of importance, don’t like buying cards, and don’t like doing things when I feel like I am being told to do them – this is a bad fit for me. I could be disappointed in myself for not being something I’m just plain not – or I can work with what I got.
A few of my friends clearly feel that their birthdays should be national holidays – I know this about them and I leave myself a note to tell them happy birthday. They also probably have reminds set up on their end for people like me that need to be reminded. After all, that is what these personality inventories are all about – learning out ourselves, each other, and finding a way to work with each other across these differences.
Where was this book when I was in college? Mike McRee, LeaderShape, Inc., asks and he is right. If any group can be divided into three parts, there are the go-getters, the f*ck yous, and the middle folks (this is my language; Sullivan calls them the Top Third, Bottom Third, and the Middle). Like Malcolm in the Middle, or many middle children, there is a complex of the middles – lost, ignored, wanting attention, drowned out by the polar ends of the rest of the group.
I read an article recently that said 1 in 4 students in California are living below the poverty level. There was a picture of a high school student sitting at a table with a teacher over her shoulder. The caption stated that the teacher doesn’t think twice when the student arrives late to first period. Evidently this student arrives late quite often as she stays in a different shelter during points in time of the week based on space availability.
I often talk in my programs about how “It’s Complicated” is acceptable on Facebook, but not anywhere else. This is a possible response when describing one’s relationship status. I was stopped in my tracks this week for three different reasons — all of which bring “It’s Complicated” to a whole new level for me.